In my life, God has blessed me immensely beyond belief with the people (my friends and family, my kids) he has put into my life. Because of these people, i have learned to love to some extent unconditionally. Of course i will never match the love that God has given to all of us but have somewhat of an understanding.
Have you ever loved someone enough to desire to take away their pain and let them live? To carry away their burdens and allow them to be free? Is it possible to do so for all the people in my life? It’s so difficult for me to explain the love i have for the people in my life. It’s ineffable. Incomprehensible and unexplainable. It wears me out and tires me. It makes me sad and upset because i know i cannot emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally do what i desire. Along with that, it is good for pain and troubles to mold and shape a person.
Although it is tiring to love with the love God has allowed me to, i am truly blessed beyond belief because of it. The people in my life have given me something to look forward to. They have blessed me and given me things to smile about. Even if it is the smallest things from notes, to smiles, to a short three word message, to hugs, to joking around, to friendly fighting, to arguing, to helping me financially, to praying for me, and much more, i have been truly blessed.
However, as things have gotten busier these past few months, my excitement and fervor has dimmed. My energy and endurance has waned. Is it my age or perhaps too many responsibilities? I cannot imagine allowing more people into my life to that extent. It takes a lot out of me and i don’t know how much more i have.
Perhaps I am using my own energy and not seeking out God’s strength. I have been delinquent in my times with him. I have been busy with the things of the world and sometimes not really. However, even if some of the things I do is for church and for God, what is the motivation behind it. Do i place those things before God? These too can be an idol because it is hindering my time with God. Satan can be so sneaky, but i will not let him prevail and will not allow him to keep me occupied in distractful things.
I seek not to solve anything but to just speak my mind. I have felt disappointment in things and people lately and I am becoming more exhausted than i like to. It’s nothing anyone in my life has done. I have started to have higher expectations which often can lead to disappointment for me. One of my phrases: Expect less, be blessed more.
No matter what happens, I will always love those i love. Sometimes i will say it, sometimes i won’t but i’ll show it sometimes in odd ways but it’s still love. I will say it now, “I Love You.”
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for the gift of your love that has allowed me to love and feel love in return. May your love me evident in me as i seek to share your love with others. Come what may in my life but let me hold unswervingly to you and to always have you first in my life for truly you are the reason I can love and be loved in return and be blessed beyond all reason. Thank you, Father. In your son, Jesus Christ’s holy name, Amen.
